Whenever someone posts on Facebook that their pet has died – usually a dog or cat – I reply with these or similar words, “I am so sorry, it is so difficult to lose a cherished member of the family.” Having lost our own dog in 2012, I know just what a lost the death of a pet is to a family. Pets offer unconditional love, non-judgmental safety, acceptance, and boundless forgiveness.
As our readings indicate today, those are the key concepts of just what makes a family. And that is why as we read from our second reading from research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies (AIFS) that people have moved to “chosen families.”
In an answer to What makes a family? we read, “Almost all participants considered love and unconditional, non-judgmental support as either ‘important’ or ‘very important’ when defining what makes a family. While not as universal, a majority of participants also considered shared values, beliefs and traditions and common experiences and activities as either ‘important’ or ‘very important.’ While participants had evenly divided views on the importance of legal ties or obligations and blood/genetics; overall, they rated them as the least important characteristics when defining a family.”
Not all families get it. Especially during Pride Month, we know that many families do not get the idea of unconditional love, non-judgmental safety, acceptance, and boundless forgiveness. When I worked in higher education, I met many students from the LGBTQIA community who were estranged from their families because of who they were. This was due to religious or cultural reasons. Or both! When a young person needed a family the most, they were cast off and pushed away.
Similarly, when I told my family that I was going to reactivate my ministry with Sophia the decision was not celebrated. To this day my ministry is not discussed at family parties. Extended family members such as aunts and uncles, cousins and friends of the family still do not know of my ministry. It is as if I am “in the closet.”
Back to higher education. One day I was in a first-year class providing information about financial aid. There was a graduate student serving as a peer mentor. This person was transitioning to female. We engaged in a conversation and found ourselves talking about the TV series Star Trek Next Generation. We shared how I watched that show with my son and wife and how we enjoyed it. Kelly shared how she watched it with her parents and they too enjoyed it. We talked about a few other items as well. The next time we met Kelly was so excited to tell me that she share our conversation with her parents and told them about our common interests in the TV series. What thrills me to this day was the fact that Kelly had a place to go home to and share a normal conversation. Obviously, Kelly was part of a family that was practicing unconditional love, non-judgmental safety, and acceptance.
The following is from our community member Bill Stevens. It is an excerpt from a reflection on Sunday’s gospel written by one of his religious brothers who addresses the relations of Jesus hanging in the back.
“Can there be any criticism more severe than for one to be told that he or she is guilty of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? Yet, Jesus was accusing those scribes of being so locked up in their own certainty that they had become impervious to the inspiration and action of the Holy Spirit, who is constantly at work in our world calling us all to the change that is genuine growth and to the freedom required to embrace the invitations of a loving God reflected in the challenges that come in the good people we encounter every day.
And what do we make of the members of Jesus’ extended family who had clearly been embarrassed by the actions of one of their number, whom they saw as becoming too big for his boots? Just like their neighbours and everybody else they knew; they were longing for the advent of the long-awaited Messiah. The last thing they needed was one of their own challenging their religious traditions and making waves for their religious leaders. As in our day, it was even then more acceptable to label as “mad” somebody close than to admit that he was in full control of his words and actions and clear about the message he was intent on proclaiming. In stating that those who were really closest to him were the people who had come to relate to God in much the same way as he had, Jesus was making it clear that it was in their company that he was most at home.
And that’s the very part of today’s gospel-reading in which we are being invited to participate. The people, who turned up to the house in which he was staying and asked to see the Jesus to whom they were related, had no interest in going inside to hear what he was speaking. They only wanted him to come outside, so they could quietly usher him away. Our reflecting on their behaviour will lead us to ask ourselves if we want a Jesus who conforms to the expectations of others, or a Jesus who meets our expectations, or a Jesus who invites us to accept him on his terms? The answer we give will determine the calibre of our discipleship.
Jesus’ terms are written large in each and all four Gospels. However, the challenge for us is to explore the Gospels with open mind and heart and to demonstrate a willingness to embrace the change to which they invite us. God created each of us to be free, loving, and creative, to share our goodness with others and to respond to God’s goodness reflected in them. Today’s gospel-reading also reminds us that God’s Spirit is ever present in the people we encounter, in creation and in the events that make up each day. It takes a habit of daily pondering on our part to sensitize ourselves to the presence of God’s Spirit all around us. Furthermore, it requires courage and generosity to respond to the Spirit’s promptings.”
As a parent, I hope that I will always be able to practice unconditional love, non-judgmental safety, acceptance, and forgiveness. As a member of this spiritual family named Sophia I hope that I will always do the same.
The challenge for us is to accept each family member on their terms – not on our terms – and to demonstrate a willingness to embrace the change to which they invite us. Each person is created to be free, loving, and creative, to share her or his goodness with others and to respond to the Divine’s goodness reflected in them. We believe that the Spirit is present in each and every person. We constantly need to look for the Divine in those who we do not understand, disagree with, or find distasteful. Then and only then will we truly be family.
These are my thoughts, what are yours?
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